Tag: justice

Re: Account

To have an account is one thing. To hold yourself or others to account is another. Like many words in the English language, a single word can have multiple meanings. This is what this word means to me. It may evoke different thoughts or even have different meanings for you. The fun is in the interpretation, not necessarily the dictionary’s standard.

Last week I was sitting in a parking space waiting for my bride to return with a bag of yummies from the grocery store. A car pulled up in the space beside me, a woman got out of the driver’s side leaving the car running. A man was sitting in the passenger seat with his window open. I was too far away to suggest he turn off the car without shouting and sounding aggressive. The fumes from the exhaust came through my open window. The woman returned a few minutes later and, to my surprise, stooped to look at the tire of her car which was just opposite my window. I quietly asked, “Why did you leave your car running?” Well, I was bombarded with all sorts of answers/excuses from both of the car’s occupants. In summary, they thought I was choosing something minor to “bitch” about.

The incident made me think of times when I try to be accountable for my choices. Holding myself to account is not easy in a complicated world. I am aware of making daily decisions about what is best for myself, my partner, my situation, and the world in general. Sometimes priorities are made that seem inconsistent with my own needs or the greater good. Small things, like leaving a car running, can add to larger things, like global warming. When and how we decide to practise our principles is not easy. I wonder to what degree do we have a responsibility to remind others to be accountable. Shouting at a politician seems easy but when our neighbour appears to be doing harm we might fear coming across as The Accountability Police.

When my sons were small I advised them on ways to be financially accountable. I taught them about bank accounts, credit dangers, and saving for a rainy day. My wife kept a monthly ledger to show how money comes in and money flows out. As banking technology changed they taught me about ATMs, bank cards, email transfers, and other online services. I was once a slave to doubt about whether I would ever have enough money for my needs or wants. But by taking things all into account, I slowly learned to balance the fears of loss with the reality of my good fortune.

Holding myself to account means I must judge my choices based on a variety of factors. Commenting on other’s behaviour is a potential minefield of explosive consequences. Everyone has had moments where they have wished they had said something. Who hasn’t glared at a parent of crying/misbehaving kids! Like it or not we are all accountants of our life experiences. No one can judge us better than ourselves.

Re: Blame

A young woman surprised me while sharing a story, saying she solved problems by finding someone to blame. There have been times when I’ve played the Blame Game so I wasn’t judging. However, I was shocked that pointing-the-finger would be her first choice for getting out of a difficult spot.

I believe it’s true that a finger, when pointed, will eventually turn back in your direction. Finding fault only stalls the effort to find a solution. In British Columbia we have no-fault auto insurance for that reason. When a traffic accident occurs, let’s conclude that what is needed is a resolve: fix the bumper, comfort the injured, and otherwise repair the damage. In all but the most unusual cases, if we drag each other to court then more problems will arise. I like that policy. Wouldn’t it be great if we went about resolving all our human woes by recognizing that we all play a part in the great dynamic of human existence.

It’s not always easy to concede though. Reconciliation takes time and cooperation. Sometimes we have to show humility even when we are bursting with self righteous indignation. I’ve been practicing putting myself to one side when I feel the upwelling of emotion. It’s not fence-sitting; more like going to a safe corner during a boxing match. In my mental time-out position, while I calm down, I can watch my imaginary, alternative self give some unnecessary blows. At the ring of the bell, ending this imaginary sparring, I can take stock, knowing I haven’t done any real damage by wanting my Point (jab, uppercut) to come first. Going for a knock-out punch is rarely necessary.

Victim impact statements are a bit like blaming, at least on the surface. Stating how another’s actions have altered your sense of security have value for the victim in getting feelings aired. The perpetrator of the offence may even learn something, or change their life-path. In a justice sense, finding fault is only really helpful if it changes the way we operate society’s systems. In other words, if we can truly find out the why of things, then maybe the answer will point the way to eliminating the origin of the problem.

While watching the film ‘Longing’ I was struck by the number of intersections we arrive at in life. These fictional characters discover some extremely challenging facts requiring them to choose: Do I go forward, back, or a multitude of sideways paths? Hopping on a Blame Train might have made their ride easier in the short run, but I liked the way restitution was found when apologies were given and allowances made, even in the face of trauma. This was the road less travelled. This was how to find truth and reconciliation.

In real life, we are all responsible for the wider picture. Most times the best thing to do is consult yourself first, without guilt. Blaming yourself is as bad as blaming others! Seeing the ultimate goal as being a learning experience will calm your urge to say, “Why me?”

Re: Mistake

I don’t like the phrase, ‘We all make mistakes’. It has a let-me-off-the-hook sort of vibe to it. We see the underlying theme of this phrase often as in Brittany Spears singing ‘Oops I did it again.’ Yes, the reality is that we humans err, but there is no sense of accountability when someone shrugs. In politics there may even be examples of a cover-up rather than an admission of any responsibility. A Director in the recording industry, television, or movies can ask for another take, if the first performances have missed the mark. Yet a shout of “Take Two!” is not going to cut it in an argument with someone you care about. On the in-real-time stage of life scenarios, the miss-takes are unfixable, since the show must go on.

“My Bad” or the snotty version, “Mea Culpa” is not a replacement for an apology. I guess being a Canadian I am hard wired to be apologetic. But a sorry verbalization that comes naturally is still not an excuse if I have exhibited bad behaviour. I once kept my whole young family waiting at a campsite for me to return from an errand of my own obsession. I wanted a silly travel sticker to complete my collection for a Great Lake Superior Tour promotion. So I left everyone to pack up the travel trailer while I went into town early. In my excitement, at the tourist parking lot, I locked my keys in the truck. Long story short, I got my sticker and was rescued by an affable hydro worker who had just the right length of wire to pull my vehicle’s lock button. But, I had kept my loved ones waiting nervously, thinking I had been in an accident. That’s on me.

We don’t always try to learn from our mistakes though. In the film ‘Juror #2’ the role of mistakes in one’s life is examined through an extended courtroom scene. Slowly the errors of human behaviour and the systems created to provide a sense of justice are revealed. It’s a film that explores cynicism, righteousness, loyalty and community standards to resolve what began as an accident of deathly proportions. We can learn from art.

Misinformed, miscalculated, misrepresented, misspoken, misfortune, and misunderstandings are part of the vocabulary of the errant human. Sometimes we screw-up and sometimes it seems that the universe conspires to make our life difficult. Yes there are such things as innocent mistakes, even innocent bystanders. Even in those occasions when we feel blind-sided or personally hard-done-by, I feel we can learn something to try to prevent another mishap. Accidents are sometimes preventable with a little forethought. My elderly mom blamed herself when she fractured her hip. She went into a darkened room to fetch something and slipped on a bit of plastic on the floor. “If only I had slowed down and thought it through.” She said of her fall. She walks about very carefully now, so I guess you could say that was a lesson learned.

Would that each of us could learn something from the vastness of human experience!

Re: Balance

Riding a two wheel bicycle takes balance. The spinning wheels help you keep on your determined path by creating centripetal and centrifugal forces. This feeling of being in motion while creating the power of locomotion is exhilarating and never gets emotionally tiring even if your aging body gets physically zonked.

Many self help books provide guidance about life balance. Keeping your body active is on the list of must dos to reach that daily goal of mixing your life up enough for maximal fulfillment. The sugar laden cereals of my childhood pronounced similar advice on the box’s colourful sides. “Part of a balanced breakfast” was a common nutritional slogan that merged with “Prize inside!” All promises designed to create an illusion of a better you. Buy our product, use your willpower and add a healthy dose of good fortune. In this regard Lucky Charms was a well named cereal even if most of the nutrition came from the milk you sloshed into the bowl.

Everybody has an opinion about a proper work/life balance these days. In reality that goal is about as easy to achieve as getting plates spinning on sticks (current record 108) like performers used to do on the Ed Sullivan Show. Many entertaining acts from the big top days were all about balancing skills: Jugglers, trapeze artists, tightrope walkers and horseback riders all had to have a finely tuned and trained sense of balance. We don’t work in a circus, although we may wish to run away to one sometimes.

Checking my bank balance can make me dizzy, especially if the news of the day has set my mind spinning. I’ll start to worry over the future and the state of imbalance on our planet. The one percent and the poorer 99 percent statistics show clearly how we are a Have and Have-not World. Then I suppose our Earth has never been scaled to justice. To mix the metaphor, the great pendulum of human history always keeps swinging and by virtue of momentum never stays at the mid point of the arc long enough for the common working folk to take a healthy breath before we have to get our bearings set on the next big thing.

And don’t get me started on the notion of balanced reporting when those of evil intent define that to mean that the hate mongers of the world get equal time with the peacemakers. It is being irresponsible to equate freedom of speech to equality of divisive rhetoric. Three minutes of misinformation does not balance three minutes of scientific fact. I try to consider the messenger when a news item comes up. Journalists have an important job to do, without them we would be at the mercy of the most powerful.

There is no balance to be found in pain and pleasure, regardless of whether you opt into S&M role playing as a hobby. And you don’t need to experience hurt before joy has meaning. Looking for a balance in our world can be frustrating because few things are as simple as those moments when we find ourselves coasting without effort.  That’s finding your bliss!

Re: Contract

After watching the film ‘An Affair To Remember’ with my 94 year old special mom, she engaged my wife and I in a discussion about marriage. “Why would anyone get married these days?” Our conversation covered the idea of a union being a contract between two people desiring to show a public commitment to each other. “But why?” She still wanted to know. We didn’t have a scientific explanation.

The business case for a marriage contract is pretty straight forward. There is money involved. Bank accounts. Valued possessions. Pets even! Most jurisdictions contend that after a certain amount of time in cohabitation two people are seen as having an agreement as a couple. I’m no divorce lawyer but the argument seems to go that a 50/50 split is required if your differences become irreconcilable. Now this can change if you both had the forethought to sign a prenuptial contract. To me that is just cold comfort because a prenup seems calculated to find failure. But prudence can be a red flag. I don’t believe love can be found anywhere near a judge. Justice maybe, but no love baby.

Getting a new phone contract was very stressful. So many decisions to make. Multiple offers were presented regarding data plans, equipment, insurance, privacy. I was glad my bride was there to help me not feel manipulated by a Glengarry Glen Ross style salesmen. Our guy Michael seemed trustworthy. I only used a signature once at the mall kiosk and that was on an iPad using my finger. Looking over the fine print of my new communications econtract that was sent digitally to my email account, I see that there are stiff penalties if I don’t return the upgraded equipment. Hopefully my anxiety will dissipate over time.

I do like the security of a contract when it comes to major purchases. This is the language of a black and white world. I’m old enough to still understand the respect shared with a handshake. An understanding is arrived at that I will provide payment for services clearly spelled out in writing. Yes, there are grey areas indicated in the fine print even in the most iron clad agreement (it’s almost a given that no one reads this part of the contract). Perhaps this is where the social contract overlaps with business contracts: Perhaps trust is the ink in the pen, fluid until it sets.

When I chose to marry, my intent was to make a promise to myself as much as to my wife. Our vows were on a beach. We didn’t have a signing ceremony, although we did receive an official certificate of participation. We began the business of living together not in a contractual sense but as a memorandum of understanding. We recognized there may be grey areas, yet we would make space for amendments. We never wanted to let ourselves down during our association.

I’m a romantically formal guy in one sense: On that beach we signed our Magna Carta: A loving charter of rights and privileges between two souls.

Re: Trigger

The word Trigger gets me thinking about guns. Don’t get me started on the 2nd Amendment of my basement neighbour’s Constitution! I’m triggered to think of the atrocities committed in the United States that are directly related to the insane belief that some Americans have regarding their right to bear arms. Of course, gun culture is not exclusive to the U.S.of A., but that nation sure knows how to promote it.

Most guys my age had a set of toy six shooters under the Christmas Tree. These faux firearms came with a roll of caps to create authentic sounds of engagement. As a nine year old I met up with my friends in a nearby ravine every weekend to play Cowboys and Indians. As well as my holstered cast aluminum pistols, I carried a replica carbine rifle and a derringer tucked into my sock. I was packin’!

Television at the time had role models to enhance your imagination. I could pretend to be Roy Rogers who had a dog named Bullet. I’d pretend to ride his horse named Trigger, chasing after bad guys who only understood justice from the point of a gun. Today you can view an endless stream of Netflix dramas that feature gun play. Violence is depicted as necessary, the weapon as an equalizer. Rarely is guilt factored into that fictional equation, since the end result justifies any and all means. So goes the script anyway.

What sets a person off can often be a good starting point to any discussion that requires resolution. I’ve been noticing lately that even a single word, misinterpreted, can incline the conversation in a surprising direction. Language can trigger memory and, like the speed of a bullet, the damage of that recollection pierces your heart as though the wound was occurring in real time. With feelings tightening, it’s very difficult to return to the onset: The flames of unresolved issues have been fanned into a firestorm of emotion. It’s a firefight.

I used to idolize the gunslingers I followed on my favourite tv westerns. They had a quick trigger finger and a focussed aim. I liked it when their precision shot would blast the gun out of the bad man’s hand, disarming the villain even while correspondingly shaming him for his intent to harm the innocent town folk. To this day incidents of bullying are most triggering for my childish mind. I picture myself as the sheriff walking about my village with a space gun (set to stun), or a rapid fire nerf shooter. I’ll be doing my rounds, ever watchful and fully prepared to immobilize the blaggards of my community. Thankfully, my adult sensibility has found ways to tap into a relevant response to current stressors.

I’m getting better at not letting triggers dictate my immediate action. I’ll review my past association with the words or behaviours I’m witnessing before going off half cocked. Metaphorically, for safety sake, I’ve put a lock on my triggers, to avoid any random violence. Peace and reconciliation are my aims.