Category: bullying

Re: Predator

This word has triggers galore. Normally I would think of sexual predators, the likes of Epstein and Maxwell. But there are plenty of predatory types out in the world who have yet to have an adjective to specify them. Whoever desires something, or someone, can resort to predation to satisfy their lust. It’s truly a jungle out there. Shields up!

My education surrounding the beasts of the world has thankfully not been because of being preyed upon. I am a white male after all! I have had the unexpected privilege of my race and sexual chromosomes. What information I have picked up regarding the wolves of the human world is from those who have been less fortunate by birth: women, POC, the poor, the less educated.

Every woman I have ever met has told me tales of being preyed upon by aggressive actors. In pornographic films the predator takes what it needs and the victims are left lying about; in various states of distress, undress and duress. In many cultures it gets muddy whether truth is following fiction or vice versa. My special mom is still wary at 97, “It’s never a good situation to have someone follow you.” I asked her to qualify her declaration so she tapped her finger on the arm of her chair telling me that many men are often “Up to no good.” I felt shamed.

In the wild there are many examples of predator/prey interactions. My students in elementary school learned about the food chain by pretending to be a creature on the menu for the lion on the lawn. The shrieks of children being chased and tagged in the schoolyard still ring in my ears. After the game we would plot graphs, draw pictures and study biomes to show just how wondrous is the web of life in a healthy world. At the end of the day even my 8 year olds could see that humans don’t play by the same rules of nature.

In the world of cinema there are many symbolic predators coming from space, the comic pages, or from an imaginary underworld. I was fascinated by the documentary Black Zombies which informed me of the roots of the horror film genre going back to slavery on the Island of Saint Domingue (now Haiti). In Vodou folklore the undead at least have a measure of peace from all the depravity of being stalked, hunted, bound, and sold.

Testosterone is not to blame. I was taught to never hit a girl, and to always show respect for the downtrodden. But even in sport you’ll hear aggression as though it is acceptable. Like a commentator who suggests that the team experiencing a wide lead on their opponents should “Kick them while they’re down.” In finance, the über wealthy are quick to take advantage of a floundering company. The political predators search for inconsistencies and perceived hypocrisies within the opposing candidates. Making the kill in these cases is about the predator breaking the will, not the bones, of those targeted.

Glorifying the predator, is no better than victimizing the prey. Grace must guide our way.

Re: Vice

I was working in the yard and I needed an extra hand to hold a length of bamboo that I was sawing into 6 inch sections. I ended up using my knee as a clamp, but I’m getting old and raising my leg up to the bench height was a bit taxing. I could have used a vice.

In the basement workshop of my previous house sat a vice to remember. My dad had passed it on to me, all 50 pounds of it. For anyone who has had a vice, you know the value of it. This one was not quite of blacksmith proportions but for holding wood, metal, or plastic secure while you fiddled away. It surpassed those C-clamps you can buy at the dollar store. Alas, I passed it on to my son and it ended up a great mass of rustled steel, only worthy of its scrap metal price.

Last night I watched a film that involved a vice used on a suspect’s hand to force information or a confession. I wasn’t sure about the result because I looked away. That scene was not even remotely amusing. ‘But’ (to use one of Louis CK’s favourite words) it was once entertaining to see that old timey Bond character use titanium teeth to crush his opponents with one deadly chomp. Now that was a new take on the term Jaws of Life, which is kind of like a vice versa device used to open cars that have trapped drivers involved in high speed collisions. Forgive me – my mind wanders.

These days if you use the word vice in conversation, people might look about over their shoulders shouting, “Where?” I think the acronym ICE is too close in name to the film Vice Squad for comfort. I feel for the folks of amurca who probably didn’t bargain on a White House regime that would treat immigrants as though they had every despicable vice known in our society. The ICE force is clamping down on people who have fled terrible life circumstances, only to be treated with inhumane dispassion. My feelings on anything to do with trumpism are extremely visceral. I seethe as I grieve.

In a spectral view we might agree to assign compulsions, addictions, distractions, and obsessions somewhere in a line under the category of vices. Some of these behaviours we can keep under control until we can’t. When I was younger governments tried to help those who couldn’t resist smoking cigarettes by using a “sin tax”, but it didn’t persuade my parents to quit, it only made them poorer. These days the ads for lotteries ask you to ‘gamble responsibly’ but again this intervention may force folks to choose between their vice-of-choice or groceries. I admit to some mild vices: loving my woman, potato chips, cinema, and alcohol (in that order).

When I think about my ancient heavy metal DIY-helper-vice-anvil-tool the word vice in any context seems just too old fashioned; like 007, religion, dating, phone books, or carburetors. But anything can be a vice I guess. Just look at me playing with words!

Re: Abuse

A friend showed surprise when she saw that I was reading Nobody’s Girl by Virginia Roberts Giuffre. I told her I wanted to know one person’s account of the daily sound track that is the Jeffrey Epstein File. She admitted that she had to create a boundary to protect herself from the bombardment of reports of abuse from the United States of America. I could see her point.

Abuse happens when our boundaries are violated. The Giuffre memoir records her sexual abuse starting at age 8 from the hands of her father and subsequently her father’s friend. Those opening pages reminded me of my 9 year old sister being sexually touched by a neighbour in our apartment block. There were tears, shrieks of anger, police were called and then the drama all seemed to vanish. The trauma remained as it does for all who have been trespassed. At age 11, while in Boy Scouts, a fellow troop member tried to fondle me. I felt fear but couldn’t bring myself to report the incident to our leader. There is guilt, shame, and other complex emotions connected to incidents like these. Society’s view doesn’t often help. 

The Epsteins&Maxwells of this world are fortunately not many. In Canada the names of Bernardo&Homolka (The Ken&Barbie Killers) are familiar for similar sexual abuses. Yet these extremely selfish individuals have many enablers. All it can take is an off-hand remark or a nudge-nudge, wink-wink attitude. Those who joke about victims of abuse can live right next door, or work in the next office cubical.

Society failed Giuffre for not responding to several reports of abuse. Communities often look the other way when it comes to something regarded as unpleasant. When it comes to a person making themselves more important than another, I title that abuse. The simplicity of that definition stops my mind from playing a game of ‘Just how bad was it?’ Fundamentally, abuse is about power over another. Intimidation is abuse. Taking more resources than you need is abuse. Lying is abuse. Denying someone a chance to speak is abuse. Crowding another’s space is abuse. “I didn’t know.” Or “I didn’t mean it” will never be an excuse to me. Simply put, if you took advantage of the situation you have been abusive. 

In this regard it doesn’t matter to me what type of abuse we are discussing; sexual, mental, physical, financial, social, or emotional. Abuse can be subtle manipulation, gas lighting, or ghosting someone by not texting. If the only way your needs can be met is by trashing another, then that’s abuse. I used to say to my sons when they became teens and were subjected to the horrors of peer pressure that they could count on me for support. We talked a lot in those days about fairness and justice. I told them if they were ever in a compromising situation they could invoke my presence in their lives to others with, “My dad would kill me!” They could use me that way and I would be happier for it, because they might gain a measure of safety.

Re: Suspect

A new Superman movie came to theatres recently. I went to see it with my bride because I’m fond of the fictional character and wondered how a current director might envision his place in this threatened world we live in today. The usual suspects were present, bringing me comfort, humour, and a symbolical resolve. I concluded that all might be well with the world. I had a suspicion that the new director was trying to show modern relevance. It was a weak attempt, but my hope remains.

My mom could always catch me in a lie saying “You look suspicious.” Modern research involving children under the age of one suggests that suspicion is innate and responsible for keeping us safe as a species. Apparently we are wired to pick out The Other from a line-up of random strangers. This discovery is comforting and frightening at the same time. It’s a nature/nurture debate. I always thought we were wary of strangers by being taught through scary fairy tales. I always believed that other cultures became fearful of other cultures because of their biased programming. As a result when I became a parent and a teacher I was always careful that I wasn’t sharing my own prejudices with my youngsters. And yet; there’s DNA!

Films about aliens implant the idea that we must look for the difference that identifies the stranger among us. Sometimes this is obviously comical. I’ve been watching the television series Resident Alien and this question of human difference is in every episode. Quite often the obvious human characters are more freakish in their behaviour than the actual guy from outer space. Early on in season one, we laugh as the police are trying to find a culprit for a murder, and their search leads them down one wrong path after another. The finger pointing is endless.

In the real world news we are exposed to political suspects in an endless parade of good-cop/bad-cop antics as leaders try to expose or twist the truth to their advantage. The classic strategy is to use fear to divide us into sides, then once we are yelling at each other reason goes out the window. I’ve never enjoyed mystery or crime novels for the simple reason I don’t want to spend my leisure time (let alone any time) trying to figure out who-done-it. Trumpism (fascism with a new name) quickly recognized that Power must find Suspects in order to buy into people’s desire to see that government has control over the situation.

I had a period in my life where I devoured the tales of Sherlock Holmes as told by Sir Author Conan Doyle. Holmes was a detective who took an exacting, measured approach to his detective work. He was sceptical of the usual suspects. His methodical work was based on physical evidence and he refused to jump to conclusions (that was Dr. Watson’s department). In a similar way I respected the real life director Alfred Hitchcock whose suspense films involved carefully crafted clues to amuse the armchair detective.

In real life, I’ve suspected that being suspicious about my suspicions is often a circular trap that inhibits me from finding the actual truth.

Re: Diversity

Diversity is our strength, uniformity leaves us open to disease. The backtracking currently underway in the USA regarding diversity support is creating a poisonous environment for all but the 1%. DEI is frowned upon by those who already have everything they want and need. Diversity/Equity/Inclusion policies are designed as an acknowledgement of differences within our work environment, and in our communities.

In university I learned how monocultures are unnatural in the environment. Agricultural mega companies like Monsanto bring the message that uni-crops create more yield, thereby increasing profits for farmers. This artificial system requires massive amounts of round-up chemicals and GMO seeds to produce sustainable results. This isn’t the way of Nature. In natural systems, diversity rules because every species has value, a place, and a function. Insisting on a uniform culture is damaging to a society and to global progress. I dream of world Nations being United in the common cause of Humanity. That requires all of us to foster a belief that inclusion matters. Every human has value, a place, and a function.

Social media flows by opinion and algorithms. The AI process prefers to look for commonalities. Artificial intelligence loves similarity, like a young child trying to make connections and learn what it’s like to be an adult, the child wants to see who is like who. The tricky part is that most folks don’t like being labelled. Yes there is safety in numbers, yes birds of a feather like to flock together, yes a herd can survive better when they travel as one unit, but a herd can be decimated by a single viral infection. Conformity can be dangerous.

Recent Pride parades offer up an observable example of a society’s diversity. These events encourage everyone to respect differences, while promoting the things we have in common. We have to get over our innate, natural fear of difference. We can belong to a clan without making war on the other clans. I have been happy to live in places where diversity is encouraged because options are important to me. The greater the diversification within a city or nation, the healthier the population. Citizens can decide to march to the tune of a different drummer, even decide to play their own drum, when they feel safe to do so.

Tyranny is supported by unified, singularly focussed individuals. MAGA policies are designed to exclude any outliers. Followers of trumpism have confused the need for consistency with a desire for uniformity. Communities can be consistent in their approach to any issue without being coerced into wearing a uniform that identifies intolerance towards non-believers. During these times of WWIII proportions, I am grateful for those who stand up for the values of equity and fairer treatment for the 99%. Folks like Bernie Sanders, Charlie Angus, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Beto O’Rourke, and Naomi Klein have a national and global impact. These folks speak for me.

If Humanity is to survive it will be because diversity shows the way. In Nature and in Politics variety of perspective offers a balance to the challenges of reality.

Re: Oneupmanship

I find it appropriate that ‘man’ is found in this word, because it is masculine aggressiveness that usually interrupts a collaborative approach to a problem. Males tend to want to feel superior over their brothers at work or at play. I’ve seen women take a dominant stance in meetings so I suppose women are not immune to the desire of besting their fellow sex. Meanly, I think, we use different words for when a woman wants to show-up her competition by being catty, a bitch, or any other word that references the animal world.

I am forever puzzled by this need, that some have, to make themselves seen at someone else’s expense. I’m not perfect but I don’t feel comfortable if my success means my fellow human has taken a backseat on this bus we call life. I’ve tried to learn from my mom’s mistake. She was a master of oneupmanship. She practised on my dad, then went hunting in the community for fresh victims (‘fresh meat’, she called her prey). She would delight in taking-the-mickey. She was ruthless in municipal politics. Even in her last days at a nursing home she would search the corridors of her ward for a newly-placed health aide to tease. Relentlessly. To tears! Making fun of others is no way to have fun. Topping others is no goal for me.

I have taken joy in seeing my name on the cover of my self-published book. I didn’t want to go through the soul-sucking process of finding a publisher who might see value in my words. I didn’t need to be recognized by an established publisher to give my work credibility. I found value in myself. Some might call that ego. I call it confidence. I can endorse myself. I don’t need to pass someone else’s test. I am among thousands of thousands of writers who have something to say. Artists have something to give. Most folk don’t want to evangelize their take on life. Most of us don’t have an axe to grind. We elevate ourselves through expression. We just put it out there, in hopes of being seen and understood, not by lording-it-over another.

Oneupmanship is aggression. Brinkmanship is the next level of ferocity. Lots of United States citizens must admire the antics of Donald J. Trump to bring him to national prominence, and dominance, for a second term as POTUS. I think The Donald is successful due to his brinkmanship; this man will not stop until his target is cringing in the corner, begging for mercy. Trump’s other characteristic is self-aggrandizement. This poor excuse for a human being will take any opportunity to say how great he is, how he’s the best ever, how no one has seen the likes of him before. On this last point many can agree; not since Hitler have we seen someone so able to con the masses into complete subjugation. It would be laughable if it didn’t cause so much pain.

Our world is teetering on the brink. Let’s try a little stewardship for a change.

Re: Inflammation

It’s entirely possible that a person can have inflammation of the psyche. I know because I have been feeling it lately. My symptoms include: Redness of the face when ever I see a picture of The Donald, Swelling of the chest as I pace about the rooms of my vindictive mind imagining what might be an appropriate punishment for these perpetrators of injustice, Pain in my brain as I try to rationalize how the state of the world came to be so scary for my grandchildren. I fear that I have lost control of my moral compass. Most alarmingly, my soul is feeling the heat of all these conflicted emotions.

The political world has been set on fire by our faux leaders, billionaires, and capitalist conglomerates. Meanwhile many parts of the natural world are aflame with the results of human induced climate change. The Anthropocene was a recent term used to define humankind’s dominance over our planetary systems. I suggest that our planet’s destruction at the hands of Homo sapiens is rapidly resulting in a new geological period. Let’s call it The Inflammatory Age. It’s clear to me that everything on this globe called Earth is suffering from a sickness quite like the illnesses that spring up in our body systems. Earth has been keeping the score of multiple abuses to its structure. Constant extraction of its minerals, pollution of its water, air, and lands have taken a toll on its health. Warring nations have been inflaming the hearts and minds of youth to the point they are absorbing the negative energy and losing all sense of peaceful solutions. When does acute illness, become chronic; leading to death or extinction?

My health care advisors tell me the inflammation in our physical body is responsible for many of our ailments.  With every infection, inflammation of the nearby cells is initially involved as a protective measure. It could make things worse however, complicating the healing process. The original injury is therefore harder to manage. Sometimes through my life I have felt feverish for no apparent reason. My joints get swollen and uncomfortable. Pain relievers can help me through these spells of an aching body. This fever can be brought on by stress which can be a contributing factor to my discomfort. If our body is electric, and of a chemical nature, then it’s no wonder we short-circuit every once in a while during the natural course of living.

A bull cannot be inflamed by the sight of red. He is tortured into a rage by the constant twisting of the matador’s cape. So too am I enraged by the antics of people intent on bullying for the sport of it all. The answer is not by fighting fire with fire. Not in my peace-loving book anyway!

Once upon a time during Covid-19 our provincial health officer, Dr, Bonnie Henry called on our population to be kind, be calm, and be safe. She sensed that fear inflames during times of crisis. I agree with that wisdom: Inflammatory comments don’t help, only hinder, our return to healthy living.

Re: Annex

I once pictured myself living like the TV character Fonz in a room above the garage of my friend’s house. My days would be happy, without my parents, yet close to a friendly group. I’d have my own key. Life in this annex would allow me to be me, without worrying if anyone was watching. This is sort of why I like relating to folks on television rather than real people.

When I had enough money to actually consider building a house I wanted the blueprints to show an annex that would enable me to welcome guests while keeping them at arm’s length. This auxiliary structure would be in the back garden like a granny house, or maybe in the basement with a separate door to the outside. I recall a TV detective named Baretta who had an extension built on his home allowing him to park his car in his living room. Now that would be cool.

What is not cool is when countries decide that annexing a neighbour country is acceptable. Throughout history powerful folks; Attila, Genghis, Alexander, Elizabeth, Polk, Hitler, Putin, and Netanyahu to name a few, showed that annexation through aggression was possible, whether in the name of The Doctrine of Discovery, colonialism, nation building, eminent domain, manifest destiny, or other justifications. To build an annex in an international context is not pretty; lives are lost, livelihoods are destroyed, cultures are melded, maps are redrawn with evermore confining borders where further abuse can be committed.

Russia’s leader has been pursuing his plans to annex Ukraine and absorb that piece of geography since 2014. Putin has said that Ukraine is not a country. The world has been watching with fear and loathing at this lack of global diplomacy. Israel’s leader has found excuses to exterminate Palestinians in what is clearly a genocide to many. Netanyahu has said that Gaza is not a country. The world has been watching.

Canadians are angry with POTUS 47. Trump keeps joking about making our country of 40+ million people into a 51st state of the U.S.of A. The President of the United States says that Canada is “not viable as a country”. So far it is a trade war, but we above the 49th parallel are not holding our breath because we have come to experience the insanity found in that oval office to the south during the reign of POTUS 45. Canadians live next to a country with abundant metaphorical annexes where their own cultural differences are rarely acknowledged. Trump’s dis-united states are bickering amongst themselves, in some ways similar to the time when many jurisdictions wanted to secede from that bygone Union, so it’s hard to believe they would buy into their president’s plans to add to the family farm. Fun Fact: The USA already has 5 territories that have expressed a wish to be fully under the stars and stripes.

In my imaginings I can’t picture myself, or many Canadians, wanting to live above the space currently occupied by USA. Even if I had my own key.

Re: Follow

I had a Following on Twitter. My Followers viewed my writing with enough interest or affection to become my online tribe. It was as easy as clicking on a digital button. Likewise, I followed a group of authors, journalists, thinkers and prophets on that social media site. I left to find a more hospitable climate. My principles prevented me from supporting the marketplace Twitter had become when billionaire Elon Musk bought the company and renamed it X.

Lemmings supposedly follow so blindly that they herd together and jump off cliffs. It’s a myth. I hear my mom’s voice asking me if I’d do something awful just because everyone else was doing it. For whatever reason, someplace along my timeline, I decided not to be a follower of fashion. I became a loner, since group dynamics invoked a fear reaction, I avoided clusters. If I see that someone has gained a certain popularity, my first response will be repulsion. That magnetic contrariness might indicate a psychological recognition, perhaps a certain jealousy even. I’ll say to a bossy person, “You can’t tell me where to go! I’ll tell you where to go!”

When I have a need to decide something I like my thoughts to flow along a logical path without interruption. I want to be led to a conclusion by my own choosing. This doesn’t mean I’m averse to recognizing leadership, only that my criteria for the position of Leader is pretty demanding. I look for these values/skills/attributes: Innovation, Clarity, Intelligence, Compassion, Individuality and Creativity. We all manifest a leadership figure at points in our lives. The leader you have in your mind, your conscience say, is constructed out of all the people you have ever allowed to have influence over you. Before deciding something we might ask ourselves, “What would so and so do?” To follow, we must have a guide we can trust, even if the guide is a figment of our imagination.

We love it when someone follows-up on a request or suggestion we’ve made. We feel validated. If we feel like someone has paid attention, we are more likely to consider a proposal they make in turn. Loyalty can make us sheep, easily herded. Some will pursue others to get what they want. I sometimes think computer bots are set up that way. Our capitalist society needs data. Company algorithms will stalk (like a wolf) following the path left by our buying habits to ‘help’ us make our next purchase based on our shopping/internet history.

I was ten years on the Twitter site. I know this because the robots in charge of the algorithm sent me balloons on each anniversary date. I felt special in a way. I felt connected, like someone in the old days might have felt if they had a pen pal. The virtual connection helped during the isolating days of Covid. Now we have other matters of worldly importance to comment on or stew over. I’ve followed a flock to Bluesky. Time will tell how long I’ll inhabit this virtual space.

Re: Hierarchy

I don’t put much stake in status. I believe a system of hierarchy in a culture creates more harm than good. Perhaps it’s my lack of ambition that propels me to say this. Maybe it’s because I’m older (but not necessarily wiser). I never wanted to be the top dog in any setting, even though I appreciate recognition when it has come to me. When I have received accolades, I don’t view those who have patted me on the back as being lesser than. I like a level playing field.

A state of hierarchy is present in our systems. There is a chain of command in more than just the military. Business operations are defined by their top down approach, with chiefs being tasked with providing direction for the underlings. Well advertised economic principles are expected to trickle down benefits to the masses. Religion expects followers instead of adherents; sheep who will not stray and never confront the status quo. I once had a brother-in-law who used a patriarchal methodology with his family because the bible told him so: Father knows best. Hierarchy is a ranking of people based on a particular management team’s view of the environment at hand. To benefit the ruler, someone is to be judged smarter than, cuter than, stronger than, whiter than, younger than, or more obedient than and then given a certificate, badge, job, or corner office to occupy. Control usually comes from a pyramid design for administration. Rarely do we have an example of co-leadership where all stakeholders are given an equal share in ownership or decision making.

Children learn early to express their authority. My middle son was quick to point out that his brothers were not the boss of him. I remember him once standing rigid at the top of a flight of stairs, fists clenched, while shrieking, “I know another way!” because his elder brother wanted him to follow his lead. Bosses are critical in a hierarchal society, or so the bosses tell us. It becomes accepted that decisions are made by those in charge. Some are offended by this when it is stated as fact; “You can’t make me!” is something I’ve heard often from my children and from my students.

One of the aspects of a second U.S. presidential term of Trump that frightens me is the way he uses his authority. I believe he feels exulted that he is head honcho. And 80 million people (far from the majority mind you) have given him permission to be The Boss over a vast and diverse collection of people. Most of those people, I suspect, just want to go about their business exercising their freedom to be autonomous within their particular setting. Some will argue that there must be some form of supremacy within a culture: A desk somewhere, perhaps, where the buck stops. I think again of people like Trump, democratically elected but part of a flawed system, who is destined to have the final say. We, the people, each of us alone, are sovereign.