Folks who live to their nineties may have stood the test of time but if our only ambition is longevity then I’ve got to wonder about the meaning of life. Now I can say I’ve ever liked being tested, so maybe that’s why I have little ambition. Ambition enough to think on the word itself, I suppose, as long the thought is my own volition.
People enter competitions to win something. Our culture pushes us to strive, to seek new levels of expertise, or at least to earn a paycheque. Personal desire sometimes trumps the good of the collective, sometimes that individual drive can create new worlds for others who watch in awe. Those who compete at a global level in sport are in the news with the FIFA world Cup. I used to play soccer in grade school but would never have aspired to play football as it is practised by millions around the world. I have admiration and respect for those who follow a singular dream of winning medals, cups, trophies, or esteem. Fame and fortune can be the driver of ambition but I’m slightly afraid of those goals.
In my teaching career many principals and other educational executives flattered me with the proposition that I should move up the career ladder. I enjoyed the few accolades I got but I never felt I worked especially hard to get them. I felt like I was just being me, helping kids, wherever I could, to be confident in their abilities. I never enjoyed being a coach-like figure, preferring to be sort of a co-conspirator. I wanted my students to thirst for the wonder of life, not necessarily to strive for a societal expectation of achievement.
I entered contests for fun, not really to see if I could beat anyone but for the joy of group engagement. I write for the love of it, but have been hurt when I’ve been encouraged to send in a story or poem, only to be told I didn’t win. I lack the courage it takes to be ambitious. When it comes down to it, I don’t like the feeling that I’m being tested. After the test is handed in there is the inevitable grade. I worry how I will be judged. When I have put myself out there, on committees for example, I somehow mustered the personal will to make a difference due to my presence. I’ve been patted on the back, and also talked about behind that same back. It’s true that you can’t please everyone.
Desire is related to ambition. My desire to be a good husband and father has been with me for most of my life. I hope I’ve been judged well in that department. That desire probably came from wanting a satisfactory home life compared to the perils I navigated in my childhood. Trials are sent to test us. An ambitious person seeks them out. I would rather make my mind up when opportunity knocks.
If that makes me a scaredy cat then meow on me.
