Tag: trust

Re: Confidence

Confidence is all about trust; in yourself, in others and in institutions. As social beings, trust is critical to our healthy existence. I think a great deal of the current emotional angst in the world is because we have lost confidence in what we thought was true. In fact truth itself has been under attack as one group or another has claimed they are the arbiters of truth. Tricksters in politics and business seem to be everywhere. Alternative truths (see: Lies) shatter confidence.

My mom used to like playing a version of the game of confidence. She would bait me into a conversation by asking me a question to which she already knew the answer. If it was about something I’d done she wouldn’t reveal she had inside information until I stammered out some nonsense story. It was a trap, and I fell for it for a long time. People get conned like this in phone and email scams. Why? Because we are generally trusting people and we have confidence that others will not harm us because, hey, we’re nice people.

On my best days I have an abundance of confidence. I feel capable even in potentially uncomfortable situations and I know my worth without being arrogant about it. When you see that in others it’s often referred to as charisma. When you feel it in yourself it’s close to being magical. Maria, in the film The Sound of Music, sings about this bursting urge to shine her light of confidence on everyone. This scene captures perfectly what I’m trying to say.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFdtTwOrBWo

Having confidence in yourself and your belief system may make you naive but not ignorant. You don’t have to turn into a cynic because the rest of the world seems mean right now. I take care with whom I put my trust. Being older carries a certain amount of advantage when it comes to recognizing a charlatan when you meet one. Just the mere act of aging can be a real confidence builder. It seems to come as no surprise when we get congratulated so soundly for ‘making it’ into our seventies and eighties or nineties, even though we really haven’t done anything to merit the award.

I think of courage as different from confidence. The former is a spontaneous brave response that blocks out all danger. The latter suggests that you believe you can do something, even though you may feel fear at the same time. Confidence can be learned, bravery is quite simply miraculous.

Considering all the hurdles to jump in forming a relationship, I believe gaining someone’s confidence is the first step. When I think of how my love for my wife has grown I know it started with a trust that I could speak confidentially without fearing judgement. I had to see that she had as much confidence in me as I had in her. When someone believes in you, it can be such a boost to your confidence that anything possible can become a phenomenal reality.

Re: Naïve

I enjoy how language can evolve. New words are coined. Words from other languages are kidnapped and tossed into our vernacular. The English Language has always been good at borrowing from other tongues. Words can be usurped and become so familiar that we just assume that they have always been ours. Naïve is such a word that started from Latin and moved through the French before being inserted into regular English discourse.

There are many synonyms for Naïve. I hear people use this word when wanting to disparage an individual. The implication being that they need to grow up, be realistic or just stop being so stupid. I think of myself as Naïve and I don’t like it when someone calls me that, when they really mean I am ignorant. I am ignorant sometimes because I don’t know everything; can’t possibly. My naïveté comes from being trusting; which I try to be.

Certainly naïveté can be ridiculed. You are considered a fool if you are too trusting to the point of being duped. Someone who is naïve is a target for a predator. That innocence can be picked up like a scent to someone who enjoys manipulating others.

The levidrome match for naive is Evian which I find amusing. A character in the film Reality Bites discovers this in a charmingly naive way. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQVw58aDt3Y
I can’t help but wonder if the naming of this product is a sly wink at the consumer who is paying for essentially something they can get for free, from a tap. I have no doubt we are living in a time when corporations encourage us to trust them over mere flesh and blood humans.

If trust is a value we still hold dear, in who/what or where can we place our trust? Many people put their trust in a deity. Faith in God is all about trust. Have corporations become the new god simply to help us mortals who are bombarded by so many competing choices? When we get worn down from so much decision making it’s easier to go with the label that looks familiar.

In politics we are massaged into putting our trust in the candidate who says they have our best interests at heart. Before we cast our ballot, we must separate the rhetoric from the appearance. We must wade through the issues and pick the values or ideas that are presented before we can honestly and objectively decide amongst the candidates. This is tough work!

Some of us worry that we will make the wrong choice in our naïveté. We might err on the side of caution, reluctant to commit because of our doubts. We might choose the lesser of two evils. We might follow our peers, blindly, in an effort to fit in. At the end of the day we must trust that things will work out and hope that we haven’t been conned as individuals or as a society.

Yet voting still matters. No matter the cost, your view matters. Stand tall.