Re: Con

My 97 year old special mom is reading some of the classics of English literature through her audiobook player. Last up on her list was Great Expectations, a story of a boy who helps an escaped convict. My mother-in-law is not always ready to say good things (perhaps because she fears someone may misuse her statement of conviction), so it was pleasing to me when she showed she had gained knowledge of the plights of others. She translated the Dickensian fiction into the inequalities of modern day U.S.A. by asking, “Has Trump done anything for the poor?”

That got me thinking about what might be called the greatest cons of capitalism. Baby formula was the first that came to mind: The corrupt advertising that went into selling this product as better than breast milk constitutes a distortion of human nature. Likewise the marketing of bottled water shows a disregard for the value of fresh water at the same time as promoting the overuse of plastics, furthering the pollution of our planet. I find it hard to stop this tirade, so I will also mention diamonds. Males of marrying age were conned to believe that it was appropriate to give their bride-to-be, a costly token of their esteem to the tune of 3 months wages. Talk about blood from a stone! Tipping is a con, lottery buying is a con, the requirement to drink 8 litres of water a day is a con. We are told by corporations that our life will be better if we just purchase this product or another. Somehow the prevailing culture buys-in to these promotions. Peer pressure takes over. There is usually nothing Pro about these societal manipulations, only Con.

It strikes me as ironic that the biggest con artist right now, might someday be a con. At least that’s what many hope for. The Donald has so far avoided incarceration in spite of being convicted of numerous offences (34 convictions and counting). Many American citizens were conned into believing that a vote for POTUS 45or47 would bring them prosperity in a ‘trickle-down’ fashion (another con). Election time is rife with promises that are really cons in disguise. The ad/con game has always been about teaching others what to think, how to feel, who to vote for, and how to spend. 

Wisdom is sometimes found in Elders, but not always. My special mom’s first response to my writing about the word Con was, “I knew someone who went to prison.” When I asked who that might be, she said she had forgotten but he was definitely a bad man. Prejudice thrives when we hold too tightly to notions that were taught to us. Parents don’t know everything, neither do CEOs, our neighbours, nor those we elect to, hopefully, do the right thing. Pip, from that novel by Dickens, learned much from his charity to Magwitch. Examining the good/bad of things is the first step toward understanding the wider world.

Re: Attachment

My son watched aghast as Prince Harry was asked yet again if he misses his mother. I understood how he could relate to the royal, having lost his own mom to cancer twenty years ago. We both wondered why some people maintain such strong attachments.

“Hang on tightly, let go lightly” is a wonderful line from the film ‘The Croupier’. I’m proud that my sons and I have found ways to detach ourselves from events that have caused us sorrow. We have learned to say goodbye without forgetting. In our own ways we continue to practise the meaning of living in the present. I love my sons not because they are mine, but because of who they are. When I learned the value of loving detachment I made a committed step towards a more mature attitude to life in general and other people in particular. I feel safer knowing I can detach from my own ego, from unhealthy situations, from the pressures of conformity. I will not blindly wave a flag nor join a parade.

I’m learning late in life not to be attached to an outcome. I wished I had had a clearer sense of this when I had sought out opportunities in the past. Perhaps a desire for something is closely linked to our wish for attachment. Sometimes our singularity compels us to seek the security of group membership. Even a kite needs to be tethered by guiding hands before it can soar. Admittedly, this analogy falls down when you consider that your individuality risks being constrained by an idea, a process or a brand. An obligation can also be an attachment that holds you back from discovering what’s best for all concerned. Truth can be the scissors that cut through those tethers that prevent us from experiencing a healthier personal reality.

Getting over ourselves can often mean stepping from the centre of our web of connections. Detaching from some filaments and letting go of the security of the collective is frightening but necessary to growth. I was clinically depressed five years before the death of my wife. I look back in gratitude that I had that span of time to sort myself out. In hindsight, I needed those years to be a better person for my dying spouse. I found ways to be more responsible for myself so I could be of greater assistance to my loving partner.

It isn’t an easy journey but I believe it begins with the cutting of the umbilical cord. To me that marks the start of one’s life, when you know you are truly alone. From that moment there are varying degrees of dependency, agency, and clarity regarding who is really in charge of your existence. Calling the shots means knowing when to seek help, receive help and provide help.

These days I’m attaching myself to the joys of life using a lighter thread enabling me to feel less bound by convention: More tuned in to the slightest breeze of welcoming change. I wish to fly higher and see further.