Tag: ownership

Re: Annex

I once pictured myself living like the TV character Fonz in a room above the garage of my friend’s house. My days would be happy, without my parents, yet close to a friendly group. I’d have my own key. Life in this annex would allow me to be me, without worrying if anyone was watching. This is sort of why I like relating to folks on television rather than real people.

When I had enough money to actually consider building a house I wanted the blueprints to show an annex that would enable me to welcome guests while keeping them at arm’s length. This auxiliary structure would be in the back garden like a granny house, or maybe in the basement with a separate door to the outside. I recall a TV detective named Baretta who had an extension built on his home allowing him to park his car in his living room. Now that would be cool.

What is not cool is when countries decide that annexing a neighbour country is acceptable. Throughout history powerful folks; Attila, Genghis, Alexander, Elizabeth, Polk, Hitler, Putin, and Netanyahu to name a few, showed that annexation through aggression was possible, whether in the name of The Doctrine of Discovery, colonialism, nation building, eminent domain, manifest destiny, or other justifications. To build an annex in an international context is not pretty; lives are lost, livelihoods are destroyed, cultures are melded, maps are redrawn with evermore confining borders where further abuse can be committed.

Russia’s leader has been pursuing his plans to annex Ukraine and absorb that piece of geography since 2014. Putin has said that Ukraine is not a country. The world has been watching with fear and loathing at this lack of global diplomacy. Israel’s leader has found excuses to exterminate Palestinians in what is clearly a genocide to many. Netanyahu has said that Gaza is not a country. The world has been watching.

Canadians are angry with POTUS 47. Trump keeps joking about making our country of 40+ million people into a 51st state of the U.S.of A. The President of the United States says that Canada is “not viable as a country”. So far it is a trade war, but we above the 49th parallel are not holding our breath because we have come to experience the insanity found in that oval office to the south during the reign of POTUS 45. Canadians live next to a country with abundant metaphorical annexes where their own cultural differences are rarely acknowledged. Trump’s dis-united states are bickering amongst themselves, in some ways similar to the time when many jurisdictions wanted to secede from that bygone Union, so it’s hard to believe they would buy into their president’s plans to add to the family farm. Fun Fact: The USA already has 5 territories that have expressed a wish to be fully under the stars and stripes.

In my imaginings I can’t picture myself, or many Canadians, wanting to live above the space currently occupied by USA. Even if I had my own key.

Re: Own

The times in my life that have worked out for the better have been those occasions when I have owned the narrative. Times when I have made the best out of a poor situation. Times when I could have felt ‘done to’ but instead I decided that I could find a place for myself amidst the lives of others. It’s best not to feel victimized or even put upon. In the best or the worst of times, having some control allows us to use our creativity to make an adventure out of any circumstance. Taking ownership is the first step towards making a plan.

I resist the phrase, ‘You’ve made your bed now go lie in it’. Yet, owning the problem can enhance your responsibility; moving you into a place where opportunities await. Change becomes less shocking. You alone are best positioned to decide the best choices to make within the reality. Currently I am sharing the daily task of elder care. My wife’s mother is living with us so that her unique needs can be met. I rarely feel as though I want to jump ship but assessing my role in this present picture is a challenge. I could say to my bride, “She not my mother, you deal with it.” Or, I can accept my situation better the more I feel involved: I can read newspaper stories to this special 95 year old (almost blind) woman. I can engage her in a stimulating conversation. I can invite her to help me solve the crossword. I can walk her to the seaside, sit with her, and describe the scene my eyes can still see. I owe it to myself to own every moment I have in concert with the people in my world. In this scenario I am working towards the goal of recognizing the value of thinking, “Well she’s my mother too.”

Owning the present in an affirmative way has helped me accept change. As a teen my parents separated (I discovered I felt better when I spent more time independently with each of them). My first wife was raised in a church going family and wanted that lifestyle for our children (I found a new side of myself by joining the choir and learning biblical teaching). My second wife was into healthy food choices (I found the world of cuisine expanded my curiosity and gave me a heightened awareness of other countries and cultures). I adapted rather than acquiesced.

During one talk with my elder roomie, I asked her what she thought about the word Own. She blurted out, “Well I don’t own any furniture anymore.” An obvious statement coming as the consequence of downsizing and a cross country relocation to a small townhouse with her daughter and me. Digging out of the confusion of a life no longer being normal takes a lot of patience, until you find what is normal again. Owning up to the part you can play and being unafraid to design your own script can help with the success of any of life’s productions.