Tag: aggression

Re: Oneupmanship

I find it appropriate that ‘man’ is found in this word, because it is masculine aggressiveness that usually interrupts a collaborative approach to a problem. Males tend to want to feel superior over their brothers at work or at play. I’ve seen women take a dominant stance in meetings so I suppose women are not immune to the desire of besting their fellow sex. Meanly, I think, we use different words for when a woman wants to show-up her competition by being catty, a bitch, or any other word that references the animal world.

I am forever puzzled by this need, that some have, to make themselves seen at someone else’s expense. I’m not perfect but I don’t feel comfortable if my success means my fellow human has taken a backseat on this bus we call life. I’ve tried to learn from my mom’s mistake. She was a master of oneupmanship. She practised on my dad, then went hunting in the community for fresh victims (‘fresh meat’, she called her prey). She would delight in taking-the-mickey. She was ruthless in municipal politics. Even in her last days at a nursing home she would search the corridors of her ward for a newly-placed health aide to tease. Relentlessly. To tears! Making fun of others is no way to have fun. Topping others is no goal for me.

I have taken joy in seeing my name on the cover of my self-published book. I didn’t want to go through the soul-sucking process of finding a publisher who might see value in my words. I didn’t need to be recognized by an established publisher to give my work credibility. I found value in myself. Some might call that ego. I call it confidence. I can endorse myself. I don’t need to pass someone else’s test. I am among thousands of thousands of writers who have something to say. Artists have something to give. Most folk don’t want to evangelize their take on life. Most of us don’t have an axe to grind. We elevate ourselves through expression. We just put it out there, in hopes of being seen and understood, not by lording-it-over another.

Oneupmanship is aggression. Brinkmanship is the next level of ferocity. Lots of United States citizens must admire the antics of Donald J. Trump to bring him to national prominence, and dominance, for a second term as POTUS. I think The Donald is successful due to his brinkmanship; this man will not stop until his target is cringing in the corner, begging for mercy. Trump’s other characteristic is self-aggrandizement. This poor excuse for a human being will take any opportunity to say how great he is, how he’s the best ever, how no one has seen the likes of him before. On this last point many can agree; not since Hitler have we seen someone so able to con the masses into complete subjugation. It would be laughable if it didn’t cause so much pain.

Our world is teetering on the brink. Let’s try a little stewardship for a change.

Re: Fight

Cancer is advertised as something we must fight. Yet fighting isn’t the answer; calm, methodical, verifiable research is the only solution. We regularly use fighting references when we want to overcome, push forward, resolve tension or see the back end of discomfort. The recent impeachment trial of past U.S. President Donald Trump saw his defence team cut and paste numerous examples of the use of the word Fight from speeches made by prominent Democrats. Without the full context however, the video made both sides of the constitutional hearing appear foolish because of how we overuse this violent word Fight.

There are many examples of peaceful methods to demanding change. I admit that sometimes writing letters, Tweeting our displeasure, congregating in silent protest, marching in solidarity, creating blockades, imposing sanctions or demanding compensation are not enough to change minds. Fighting must not be our first method of resolving a problem. The United States of America is not the only country to fight abundantly, but they sure have a record for liking that word Fight in the context of almost anything. When a problem comes up, it seems to be the American Way to wage a war with it. Currently, it’s a war on viruses.

To fight everything and anything puts a ‘me against the rest’ stamp on our language. Once it is in our common language we find ways of making it sound reasonable so our actions then become the meaning of the word. I have fought for things I believed in and I have run from trouble, but a response to a perceived threat doesn’t need to be just Fight or Flight. Some creatures in nature survive by Freezing. You won’t survive long if you are the proverbial deer caught in the headlights, but an animal like an armadillo can get out of a tight spot with a predator by rolling into a compact ball. Other animals can even feign death to avoid conflict. A mother Killdeer doesn’t fight to protect her nest, she Freaks, making a spectacular distraction. Likewise we humans can sometimes turn to comedy to draw attention away from an aggressor. We can Fawn in an attempt to placate the offender, for a moment, to ease the tension. Turning the other cheek doesn’t need to mean acceptance, or even meekness. It can be a method of biding time until a positive awareness returns. In family arguments, rather than fight, it may be a choice to admit Fatigue with yet another go round on the same grievance. These avoidance techniques give us a chance to gain a new, more useful perspective.

Only the person at that particular time and place knows the best way out of a threatening situation. I have felt the walls closing in on me. Regular doses of aggression being pushed on us will surely inform our responses, however I feel intuitively that fighting is not the answer. I’m not wishing to be part of any Fight Club, especially when someone is trying to convince me it’s for a good cause. I’ll seek peace first.