Tag: accommodation

Re: Chemistry

It’s true that a human body is composed of chemicals. Depending on who you ask or what process is used to extract them, our physical elements could be valued at anywhere from $100 to $150,000 dollars. Perhaps we are not far from giving our consent to harvest these resources as part of our estate for distribution to our beneficiaries: A step up from our current ability to will our body parts, so to speak.

I adjust my body chemistry all the time. When I eat or drink I change my chemistry. I’m baffled that after I start eating something I cough, or sneeze and have to blow my nose. It’s so irritating! I’ve been told that this surge of mucus is the result of my body reacting to the input. I picture it as similar to a transplanted organ being prone to rejection: My body says no to that foreign stuff coming down through my gullet! My allergy, to any food it seems, is an example of how whatever passes into me changes my chemistry. My initial response passes quickly, so I’ve gotten used to it. It does make me reflect on the phrase, “We are what we eat.”

We are also what we feel. Our emotional being is evident when we are exposed to other humans. I enjoy feeling a chemical attraction to another. We are all aware of evaluating a relationship based on whether or not it exhibits ‘Chemistry’. A rom-com movie review may depend on two lead actors displaying chemistry at least in their love scenes, if not when they first meet in the grocery aisle. In real life I contend that this initial spark can be maintained as long as the ingredients of curiosity, compassion, respect, and play are regularly added to fuel the fire of love. In that sense the US of a relationship is a chemical compound made of YOU and ME.

A slogan for homes built in the late 1960’s was ‘Live Better Electrically’. I think we can live better chemically by acknowledging the role that chemical elements play in our existence. We get to know ourselves through our relationships, our upbringing, and our choices. Our experience defines us in ways both unique and complementary to the rest of society.

When I’ve got pain, I take an analgesic. Some people choose to use cannabis to affect their chemistry. Others may find other ways to reduce their annoyance with all manner of disturbances. I’ve known many people who can’t start their day without a cup of coffee. The point here is that we all ingest substances to help us travel the road of life. I refuse to be hypocritical by showing anger towards street-drug users because we all use chemicals to cope. I’m currently taking a low dose of escitalopram for general anxiety. I support decriminalizing drug use. Safety of intake of risky chemicals can be controlled more effectively by education and distribution through health care services.

Medication is not a crutch: It can be an aid to a healthy lifestyle.

Re: Hierarchy

I don’t put much stake in status. I believe a system of hierarchy in a culture creates more harm than good. Perhaps it’s my lack of ambition that propels me to say this. Maybe it’s because I’m older (but not necessarily wiser). I never wanted to be the top dog in any setting, even though I appreciate recognition when it has come to me. When I have received accolades, I don’t view those who have patted me on the back as being lesser than. I like a level playing field.

A state of hierarchy is present in our systems. There is a chain of command in more than just the military. Business operations are defined by their top down approach, with chiefs being tasked with providing direction for the underlings. Well advertised economic principles are expected to trickle down benefits to the masses. Religion expects followers instead of adherents; sheep who will not stray and never confront the status quo. I once had a brother-in-law who used a patriarchal methodology with his family because the bible told him so: Father knows best. Hierarchy is a ranking of people based on a particular management team’s view of the environment at hand. To benefit the ruler, someone is to be judged smarter than, cuter than, stronger than, whiter than, younger than, or more obedient than and then given a certificate, badge, job, or corner office to occupy. Control usually comes from a pyramid design for administration. Rarely do we have an example of co-leadership where all stakeholders are given an equal share in ownership or decision making.

Children learn early to express their authority. My middle son was quick to point out that his brothers were not the boss of him. I remember him once standing rigid at the top of a flight of stairs, fists clenched, while shrieking, “I know another way!” because his elder brother wanted him to follow his lead. Bosses are critical in a hierarchal society, or so the bosses tell us. It becomes accepted that decisions are made by those in charge. Some are offended by this when it is stated as fact; “You can’t make me!” is something I’ve heard often from my children and from my students.

One of the aspects of a second U.S. presidential term of Trump that frightens me is the way he uses his authority. I believe he feels exulted that he is head honcho. And 80 million people (far from the majority mind you) have given him permission to be The Boss over a vast and diverse collection of people. Most of those people, I suspect, just want to go about their business exercising their freedom to be autonomous within their particular setting. Some will argue that there must be some form of supremacy within a culture: A desk somewhere, perhaps, where the buck stops. I think again of people like Trump, democratically elected but part of a flawed system, who is destined to have the final say. We, the people, each of us alone, are sovereign.

Re: Expectations

My wife and I made our first Airbnb booking recently. We researched various sites on the internet, jotting down pros and cons as we went along. We had booked through VRBO before and were impressed with their consistent standard, but they had no properties listed in the travel area. The other option of a hotel just proved too costly for our length of stay. Knowing we would be doing some family entertaining we needed space so we picked a property listed as ‘An entire house!’ We had an expectation based on it being ‘An entire house!’

I find that people who say they never have expectations are lying. Everyone has expectations for themselves: Not many people refer to themselves as a total screw-up. Everybody expects to move through their day with most of their needs being met. We may not get all that we want but we expect we will not die trying. When someone tells us something, at first at least, we believe them. We expect that they are telling us the truth. Having an expectation for ourselves and of others leads to trust when that expectation is fulfilled on a consistent basis. For example when I visit a friend I have a simple expectation that I will be greeted with a welcoming gesture. If that is not forthcoming, over time, I will cease to visit.

A worry free philosophy isn’t realistic. If we say we don’t expect anything from anyone I wonder where that leads us as a community. I suspect a period of reduced expectations leads to stifling disappointment and chronic despair. At the other end of that spectrum is an obsession with fulfilling an expectation we have for ourselves. That can also be crippling: We must face each day feeling that we can ‘measure up’.

When we hear the declaration, “I’m expecting!”, all manner of expectant thoughts start to percolate. Hope is never greater than when we hear news of an impending birth. We wish the parent-to-be the very best because we expect the outcome will be practically perfect in every way. We want to believe in great expectations. Every life deserves an existence set to the highest standard. I’ve never heard a teacher say to her students on opening day, “I don’t expect much from you this year.” When I don’t live up to the expectations I have for myself, I let myself down and I feel I disappoint others around me. Having an expectation means you’re looking for the best.

Just as we have been instructed by our parents, we expect our children will behave for good reasons. We all have felt the sting of an elder suggesting that they felt disappointment in us after we had made a poor decision. The positive message being; I understand the value of standards.

Honesty is a value I hold to a high standard. The Airbnb ad was not accurate: It wasn’t a whole house. It wasn’t clean. It only had one closet! I was disappointed. I will learn from it.