While providing eldercare, I find myself reflecting on memories of raising three sons. The age difference is obvious, but the similarities are there in terms of care needs: food, shelter, encouragement, stimulation, mobility, medicine, and companionship. With children we say we are raising them, to assist in their growth to adulthood. With an elder (in my case my mother-in-law is 97) I wonder what outcome I’m working towards. What’s the end game?
My wife and I have shared our small home with her mother for three years. I really play a small role in her daily care so these reflections are not meant to inflate my responsibility. Next door in our townhouse complex, parents of two young girls are working hard to provide needs for health and happiness. As neighbours we often talk in the carpark about the trials of raising kids. My comparisons to working with my special mom seem the same to me, since I want to help make her life rewarding, enjoyable, even educational. But I’m very aware she will die sooner rather than later. Unlike my neighbours’ two lovely children, the objective is clear, while my special mom doesn’t need to be raised (per se).
The family is the first unit of social life and I’m glad for institutions like schools for the support provided to teach children. Similar supports for eldercare are hard to find however, often hard to access, and, when I’ve gone looking, come with commentary (even judgement). Sometimes body language suggests that caregivers for elders are on their own. There is a dismissive attitude amongst some professionals in the care field that hints that no help will be forthcoming. My wife and I have been told some respite is available but it will cost. We have placed our mother on a wait-list for a room in a local nursing home. The wait time makes me feel like raising Cain!
As a community when we feel a need, we join hands and volunteer to raise awareness and money for a good cause. When we feel our work is under appreciated we seek out the boss and ask for a raise in salary. Raising your standard of living as a working class person is a constant struggle. That effort seems contrary to the goal of raising us up so we can stand on mountains. We look for a little help from our friends, just to get by sometimes. Heck, even the wind can give us a welcome if we’re on a boat with sail raised, searching the horizon, looking for safe travel to friendly shores. I’m not looking to soar like an eagle, but I’d appreciate some birds of a feather to flock together with in my time of need.
It’s easy to get sidetracked. We live in a time that baffles me regarding the plethora of issues that are raised on a daily basis. Solutions are proposed and then decisions are stalled due to all the subsequent whataboutism talk. This posting allowed me to raise a little howl over eldercare deficiencies in our country. Thanks for reading. I feel better already.
