I never thought I would admit this in public, but I’ve been lonely. I have been separated from my one and only, my best friend, my lover, my wife for more than 200 days now. She is on an important mission and I am supporting her as best I can from afar. The oneness that I have experienced with her is not one sided as she too feels the great chasm that comes about when you are not with the one you love. We both endeavour to be strong while acknowledging that One is clearly the loneliest number. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYzY7-V5vxY
There are so many individual ones in the world: Close to 8 billion singular human entities. On the spectrum of ‘personalities who need another in their lives’ the range might be from hermit types to polyamorous groupies. I have felt more in common with the hermit; sequestering myself from the massive throngs of civilization. That is one of the reasons why my recent feelings of loneliness are somewhat confusing. I do really appreciate my own company, that was tested in me as a child. I know I can confidently go it alone but I also know I don’t want to. I am Stoic. I am Vulcan. I take pride in the notion that I can control my desire to be one with the collective. I am Adam yet I must have my Eve.
I have used the power of oneness many times in my life and have discovered that being One doesn’t necessarily mean that you are alone. I have had many glimpses of what it means to be one in the spirit. I have learned to trust. Those 8 billion collective consciouses can be a powerful support mechanism when most needed, like after trauma. Some believe that even dead souls can act as guides. So while loneliness may occasionally tear at my heart, I remind myself that I am never really alone.
I admit also to being a romantic and a great believer in finding ‘the one’. I was lucky to find my Juliet in university. She accepted my formal proposal of marriage. Her family gave their blessing. We had the wedding service where two candles were extinguished and one candle was lit. We had many adventures, raised three boys together and approached middle age with confidence in our bond. When she died I felt lost and alone. I was now one, where I had been two and I wondered just what I might do with the rest of my life. Imagine how blessed I felt when I found my Anne. She too had known loneliness and found ways to appreciate being alone. Our meeting was one for the ages. We couldn’t believe our luck. Now we two could design our own Green Gables.
My wife and I celebrate in the oneness of our combined families. Our grandchildren are learning to count and always start with One. It is the first number. It’s where we all begin and where we all end.
“Break it up!” is something you might hear a police officer or a school principal say, when they are trying to separate a pair of combatants. “Get a room!” could be shouted when two romantic individuals are getting closer than others wish to see them, in public. Violence and sex can be motivators for opinion regarding how closely joined we wish to be in society. I recently heard the term ‘joined at the hip’ when someone suggested that Canadian males are more likely to be closer to their partners than in other countries. There is a parallel disgusting phrase that involves being whipped, used in judgement against these considerate husbands. I enjoy the cartoon comic strip called Zits by Jerry Scott & Jim Borgman. Their characters RichandAmy delightfully examine this idea that two can be inseparable and not necessarily insufferable.
Examples from television and film history can inform, as to how we view the separation as a societal norm. The Dick Van Dyke Show is often dated to its era for the way the matrimonial lead actors slept in separate beds. Ahead of its time, All in the Family demonstrated issues of racial separation. Segregation is institutionalized forced separation as sanctioned at various times around the world: the southern U.S., Northern Ireland and South Africa are but three recent examples where governments have divided people based on race, colour or religion. LL Cool J has a great scene in the film Toys where he explains his military perspective on plated food. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLQxAvy66NM
My middle son and his present wife had to find ways to cope with their undesired separation while they were dating. A Canadian, he met his bride-to-be in Poland, and they both underwent a long distance romance while paperwork was completed for permanent residency in Canada. I often commented on their emotional stamina. I recently had to navigate a similar mine field as I endured prolonged separation from my wife as she tended to her ailing parents in another province. My output of angst ridden poems would verify the extent of my unrest. Bill Withers captured my mood perfectly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIdIqbv7SPo
In Canada there’s been a historical divide between Quebec and TROC
(therestofcanada), yet despite numerous referenda we continue our association as a collective of diverse provinces (ten) and territories (three). I like to think it’s because we, as a nation, prefer to congregate rather than separate. That could be an election slogan or at least a cute bumper sticker. I have relatives in the U.K. who are still shaking their heads over the mess that was created by the referendum to separate from the European Union.
The current mess that is the presidency of Donald Trump came about as a result of a great political divide within the United States of America. When feelings of separation become so heated that walls are built, you know there is trouble at the core. Canadians, being so close are not immune to this hateful ideology. I’m hopeful we can see the benefits of solidarity.