Tag: connections

Re: Connect

Connection is often on my mind. It’s not the why of it all, but the how behind things aligning to make bonds work. Folks can be dismissive about this subject by suggesting clichés like; ‘The family that stays together…’ or ‘Birds of a feather…’. As I search for a deeper meaning of what it means to be human I’m conflicted by two urges: I know myself and am confident in my abilities, yet I appreciate the gifts that others bring to my life.

Our world values connecting with like-minded individuals. Hiring practises favour common consensus on priorities, personalities, and protocol. In politics this is key to passing legislation without huge amounts of time on debate. In government and business the bottom line is efficiency. In such a world loyalty is highly valued. Unfortunately this single track connection leaves many watching as the train of opportunity passes them by.

More equitable connections come when we look to diversity as a priority to strengthen our understanding. Those we hire or befriend don’t have to wear the same uniform. If we can reflect on the views, without fear, we may learn something new to guide our own journey. If every committee is a bunch of old white men, then we can’t expect healthy change to drive the human experience and ignorance will continue to control the agenda. Canada is tendering contracts to Germany and South Korea to build us a new fleet of submarines. WWII has long past but old notions of German engineering (good and bad) have appeared in comments from the public. And South Korea is, well, the southern part of Korea, whose neighbour to the north is controversial. In my home province of British Columbia the government is debating whether to consider a bid from China to build our ferries as we move away from reliance on all manner of things from the cursed dis-united states of amurca.

Prejudice impacts our connections. From a very early age we learn to choose who we associate with. There have been times when I would have wished to choose my family. In my own life I have felt the sting of being the last to be selected for an opportunity. Some of these hurts have disabled me from actively seeking connection, yet I still wish to belong to something greater. As I get older I am getting a sense of larger connections (sometimes mystical) that I am wishing to understand.

For example, I wonder about mysterious cosmic connections (my mind having spun over recent revelations from the film Disclosure Day). One afternoon I was in a large crowd and drawn to watch a young mother with her two children. There was a hint of recognition (visual, not sexual, electrifying, magnetic) but the energy of the moment passed. Later the three played together in another part of the park where I had been sitting. Much later they passed by me giggling. I reeled from imaginary thoughts. Did I connect with a soul in that group? Is this what it is like after death? Oh, my spirit!

Re: Pretend

A Pretendian is someone who wants to lay a false claim to Indigenous heritage. This can be an insult to aboriginal people as it dilutes their unique culture. I get that. Also, pretending we are someone, who we are not, distorts reality. However, sometimes pretending can show you another view, and that may lead to greater empathy. I like walking in another’s shoes, even for a while. Trying on a different set of clothes brings a new perspective. In the long run we must be satisfied with the fit of the garment to see if it expresses our soul.

Children act-out in public as a function of growing up (Halloween). Actors earn a living being someone else. When my first wife died, I pretended to my community. Depending on the person I was talking to, I might look grief-stricken or I would make light of my situation to bring comfort to others. I attended a grief circle-group to satisfy one well intentioned friend. My participation lasted two sessions: First I told my story, then, on the second and last occasion, I worked hard to assure everyone I was going to be OK (so please, don’t worry about me anymore). I found I could pretend as a way to cope (sometimes called Denial in the Kubler–Ross school of thought). Those days, I found that irrationally humming to cover the sadness would offer me temporary relief (fake-it-til-ya-make-it).

“Oh stop pretending! Stop kidding yourself! You look like a Poser!” were thoughts that came to me from my mirror, as I shaved in the morning. Being pretentious is the dark side of an honest attempt to look on the brighter side of life. The obvious danger in prolonged pretending is that you forget yourself and you end up making poor judgements about how to proceed. It’s a maddening paradox: To be truly happy with the person within, you have to admit that you can’t always be happy. Gurdeep Pandher, a fellow philosopher, warns against blocking out the full range of our experiences by pretending that it will all go away or that it never happened in the first place. Check out his Substack presence.

The other night I woke from a dream about my personal history. My story has often been self-cast in a positive light. My mom would call me her shining star while my sister was often the devil in sneakers. I’m still uncovering the truths behind my deception of “yeah, my childhood was ok compared to others” while getting glimpses that I had it worse than some. Balancing the good with the bad is a challenge, but neither can be ignored at the expense of the other. I am a tapestry; rich with dark and light blended to create the work of art that I am at any point in time. My sister slowly withdrew from life because she stopped seeing the good stuff. Similarly, I don’t want to pretend that the bad stuff never even happened.

We all pretend at various spots in our lives. We evolve. Temporarily we may cover ourselves in a chrysalis, waiting for change to transform our reality.

Re: Soul

Long ago, a book called The Aquarian Conspiracy was gifted to me. I recalled it yesterday when someone talked of a soul connection. When I heard this term my first thought went amusingly to the bottom to my foot. Going further off on a tangent I called to mind my favourite fish dish; Breaded Sole. Solely on the basis of these diversions I’m not sure how I can get back to matters of the spirit, but I will try.

I’ll suggest that spirits float free; think ghosts. When they find a host to inhabit let’s call them souls. Some have told me how they can see an aura surrounding an individual. I don’t believe that you can use any of your five regular senses to determine a soul’s existence. But when you do sense its presence you know it. We sometimes refer to that recognition by using a word like  Soulmates if the relationship has longevity, yet even brief encounters with strangers can seem astonishingly intimate when they involve a soul connection. The soul is at once separate from the body and attached to it. It’s along for the ride: On a soul train! The soul adds to one’s personality yet doesn’t dominate it. We can’t be whole without acknowledging this aspect of our existence. I find that music tunes me in to my soul faster than anything else.

When I have recognized the soul within another person my heart has leapt. Once I stood transfixed by a harmonica playing homeless person. Babies show their soul when playing “Peek-A-Boo”. I recently had an ultrasound examination. I was cared for by a technician who had a warm professional manner. The whole event was surprisingly relaxing. I asked lots of questions and she helped calm my fears. As I was shown the way out of the office the examiner said, “It was really nice to meet you.” It was the way she said it! I felt she recognized my soul. It was an instant quite magical yet also remarkably familiar. There is a scene in the film ‘What Dreams May Come’ where we get a sense of this intangible mystery of the soul. 

I’m not a pet lover but I do enjoy other species. And I’m not embarrassed to say that I have sensed the souls within some of these animals. A while back I did some volunteering at a Therapeutic Riding Stable and I encountered one horse called Bangsy that seemed to connect with me from the first day of meeting. He watched me. He responded to me as other horses did not. He got me. I thought my soul had touched him too. When we say we have had a ‘meeting of the minds’ I suspect we really are talking about a soul connection.

So if the body is a carrier of a soul I will be ever watchful for opportunities to recognize others in this way. This spirit may have come my way before so I’ll say, “Hey!”