Tag: risk

Re: Commit

There is a line or script reference in most romantic comedies or dramas that includes the word commitment. The plot usually goes like this: One partner or the other (usually the male) has shown no sign of moving to the next stage of the relationship. This person is stereotypically said to have ‘cold feet’ or maybe they are afraid of the deep end of the dating pool. Or maybe their outfits just don’t match. Anyway the text makes it clear that some people are just terrified to commit to saying the words; I Love You.

In the surprisingly good film, Gran Turismo, the word commit is used by the coach to urge the driver to make a choice and then put all his energy into it for ultimate success. This is a motor sport film so the drivers in training are being encouraged to be brave about their steering and speed decisions when it comes to risking life and limb while hurtling around the track at break-a-neck torque. There is a small romantic side bar in this movie but compared to the life or death decisions in the race cars, whether or not you can say Ti Amo seems too easy.

When it comes down to it, the essence of life is choice. We all have had times when we’ve had to commit to a decision. If you can feel your priorities clearly in the moment of yes/no, left/right, in or out, then you can commit with confidence. Mistakes will be made but at least you can say you are resolved to see things through to a conclusion. And maybe it’s being afraid of mistakes that inhibits us from committing. Yet we must make the attempt. As the wise character in a space film once said; “Do or do not, There is no try.”

The word Commit is often used in negative connotations. At some points in human history it was not uncommon to be ‘committed’ to an insane asylum. These places were like prisons for folks who didn’t fit into society. It was the culture of the times and an example of a fear response that people have towards others who don’t behave normally (whatever normal is deemed to mean). Another dark use of the word is in the context of some misdeeds. People ‘commit’ crimes, even rash ones that show no sign of commitment or forethought.

I have decided twice in my life to commit to another person in terms of a life long partnership. I actually enjoy the daily work required to keep a relationship healthy. Of course some days there could be a clash or two when I questioned myself, ‘Should I stay or should I go’. But those thoughts pass quickly because I truly believed the women I chose to share my life with also felt the joy and value of a shared life. It’s easier to walk a path together, hanging on tightly for assurance, letting go lightly around obstacles, committing to the shared experience of figuring out the next steps in the journey.

Re: Risk

When I was younger I took way more risks than I do now. The riskiest things I have done include: Diving headfirst off a cliff into a small pool of water, Driving a car after not sleeping the night before, Having unprotected sex, Saying no to my mother, Writing a review of a concert that I didn’t attend, Turning down a job offer, Rejoining the dating scene at age fifty, Seeking a life of no-fixed-address after retirement.

It is wise to at least look before you leap. Sensible folk will tell us that a little planning goes a long way. There are many phrases that can begin a cautionary tale, which we can share at a dinner party or submit to our children as a lesson on how to avoid daddy’s questionable behaviour. I find it fascinating how our languages have sayings that we can use to keep us safe from harm; if only we would take a moment to listen. Our inner voice may exclaim excitedly, ‘He who hesitates is lost.’ Then concurrently counsel, ‘Good things come to those who wait.’

Life can be scary, yet sometimes we make it scarier when we don’t do a risk analysis. We must not forget that fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Most perils can be avoided or at least ameliorated with a little thought before hand. And not all risks are physical. It took me a while to stop fearing imminent financial collapse even though I’ve been fortunate to have regular employment. I’ve felt the anxiety at the end of a monthly pay cycle but I’ve never known the riskiness of living on the street. I’ve weighed options of a benign sort when it comes to the emotional risk of relationships. The risk of a broken heart has been my Everest to conquer in life; something I have chosen with excitement, as a mountaineer might prepare for a risky climb. In this analogy, practice has brought the experience necessary to help me be safely awestruck by love.

Some may see risk taking as creating a fuller life, however, living on the edge is not in my comfort zone. I prefer to watch the thrill seekers, cheer them on even, rather than join in the mass revelry. There are some risks I will not take. I will not jump from an airplane, even with a parachute. I refrain from watching horror films. I am not a recreational drug user. I will not gamble with my money. I will not drink and drive. I will remain faithful to my lover. I will not let anger get the better of me. I will chew my food carefully.

There is reward in taking a risk. Staying in bed or not leaving your apartment will get you nowhere. Life is neither to be squandered nor played like a game of Risk. Situations are inevitable, occasionally dangerous, yet a moment or two of evaluation before proceeding with the next step is a valid price to pay. Steady on, take a breath, pause, be still and listen.