Re: Commit

There is a line or script reference in most romantic comedies or dramas that includes the word commitment. The plot usually goes like this: One partner or the other (usually the male) has shown no sign of moving to the next stage of the relationship. This person is stereotypically said to have ‘cold feet’ or maybe they are afraid of the deep end of the dating pool. Or maybe their outfits just don’t match. Anyway the text makes it clear that some people are just terrified to commit to saying the words; I Love You.

In the surprisingly good film, Gran Turismo, the word commit is used by the coach to urge the driver to make a choice and then put all his energy into it for ultimate success. This is a motor sport film so the drivers in training are being encouraged to be brave about their steering and speed decisions when it comes to risking life and limb while hurtling around the track at break-a-neck torque. There is a small romantic side bar in this movie but compared to the life or death decisions in the race cars, whether or not you can say Ti Amo seems too easy.

When it comes down to it, the essence of life is choice. We all have had times when we’ve had to commit to a decision. If you can feel your priorities clearly in the moment of yes/no, left/right, in or out, then you can commit with confidence. Mistakes will be made but at least you can say you are resolved to see things through to a conclusion. And maybe it’s being afraid of mistakes that inhibits us from committing. Yet we must make the attempt. As the wise character in a space film once said; “Do or do not, There is no try.”

The word Commit is often used in negative connotations. At some points in human history it was not uncommon to be ‘committed’ to an insane asylum. These places were like prisons for folks who didn’t fit into society. It was the culture of the times and an example of a fear response that people have towards others who don’t behave normally (whatever normal is deemed to mean). Another dark use of the word is in the context of some misdeeds. People ‘commit’ crimes, even rash ones that show no sign of commitment or forethought.

I have decided twice in my life to commit to another person in terms of a life long partnership. I actually enjoy the daily work required to keep a relationship healthy. Of course some days there could be a clash or two when I questioned myself, ‘Should I stay or should I go’. But those thoughts pass quickly because I truly believed the women I chose to share my life with also felt the joy and value of a shared life. It’s easier to walk a path together, hanging on tightly for assurance, letting go lightly around obstacles, committing to the shared experience of figuring out the next steps in the journey.